Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry
(excerpted from Kelly Clarkson Cry)
Well the songs are sung, the champagne toasts have been drunk. And the New Year is begun!
And not a moment too soon!
Not to say that 2015 was all bad, a matter of fact the first 2/3 of the year was quite wonderful.
But since contracting Shingles in late september, then a sinus infection I was already feeling a bit low.
Losing my incredible strong mother, and my beloved Winston just a day apart was a monumental blow.
But 2015 wasn't finished with me yet! , before I could say goodbye to the year I had first to say goodbye to one of my Dream Girls. "See you in my Dreams" , my sweet mare (a Dreamfinder granddaughter) Dam to FV Catch a Dream(Whoa Dammit), FV Rainmakers Quest, and FV A SHocking Comet. This Sweet timid girl, has been a wonderful horse to own,even if she broke my toes ,and given Fern Valley Appaloosas some star class foals. She passed suddenly and our silver lining is that she seemed not to have suffered. So farewell Ici, and until I see you again, I will in fact See you in my Dreams.
That was yesterday, just hours before the end of the year. So fine, I get it.Life is tough, I have had worse times, and I have most certainly had better. I shed my tears, yet again, as I likely will from time to time over the next while (possibly very long while ) then I picked up myself turned my face to the setting sun and proceeded to get on with saying goodbye to the year.
I spent New Years surrounded by loving friends and family and welcomed a new year with hopes of great promise and joys ahead.
The last year did bring joys, and I was blessed to attend, not 1 or 2 but 4 weddings! And you just cannot be sad watching people you love starting their own journey of love together. We have met several new and beautiful babies in our extended family. and we have had much laughter and yes a few tears, but those are all part of living. Those who have been around me with horses know I talk about energy, and intention a lot. Well "Acting with intention" is just what I am doing moving forward. Make a goal, develop a plan, and take action. Now my goals are simple ,I intend to find joy and celebrate all of the positives I can find in each and every day. To not let fear of failure,rejection or regret stop me, and to be happy.
A friend of mine often suggests a "word for the year" something that speaks to what we want to see in the year ahead. Last year I believe my word was "River" the energy and feeling it depicts is a pleasant flow, moving and changing as needed and continuing forward .
That worked for me , and might work this year as well,but what sticks in my mind at present is the word "Fearless" not in the devil may care traditional sense but more of a becoming fearless, by learning to trust myself again, my skills, and my intuition. The second word is "Resilience" Which I actually have some measure of already I believe , but as a trained personal resilience mentor in the heartmath program, I need to coach myself a little to keep on an even keel in the face of all the changes and losses I have faced. Not to avoid grief, which I cannot and would not, but to make sure I do in fact face it and let it begin to help me heal.
Beyond that my goals for the year are yet to be set. Staying well, emotionally and physically will for now simply require that I put one foot in front of the other until I build some momentum up again.
I have missed the regular routine of blogging, and I would love to say I will pick it up and be more consistent this year but for now I will just do what I can.
my friends, I think of you all often and hope your New Year brings wonderful things!
As always , stay safe