My dad, when he goes to a drive through burger place always orders extra pickles.
Well first of all the man likes pickles what can I say?
But secondly it is his little way of making sure his burger is fresh ,when you make a special order, they have to make the burger fresh. Now I know that most places claim to do that anyway, but we have all gotten the tepid burger with the cheese that is all melted and icky on the burger. Dad , never gets them that way. He asks for WHAT HE WANTS, in a way that he will get WHAT HE WANTS.
OK , stick with me here, I have another analogy then I (hopefully) will make my point.
I work for Mental health, and in doing that work with quite a few psychologists, and other professionals.
These folks are well educated and well versed in the workings of the mind and interpersonal skills right?
Mostly, yes, but they are also human and fallible. I remember talking with one of my supervisors over lunch one day. She was lamenting the fact that she and her hubby went out for burgers on the weekend, but she hates to do this as she never gets her burger the way she likes it. She likes her burger plain with cheese and mustard, simple right?
I asked her how she orders it, she said " I order the burger, no onions, no ketchup,
not relish, no pickles "
I asked her why she was telling them what she DID NOT WANT instead of asking for what she DID WANT?
She looked at me stunned and said she never thought of it that way. Well this gal was a great lady and nothing if she wasn't determined so she went home that night, told her hubby they were going for burgers, and low and behold, got exactly what she wanted! (She rushed in the next morning to tell me!)
So what does that have to do with horses? This is after all a horsey kind of blog right?
Well last week I took Cat (Catch a Dream ) And Andee,(AV Docs Baby ) to the trainers . I was on my own loading them and using the new trailer, which I am still getting used to the angle haul style . Caught them up , and started to load Andee, unfortunately, my issues with the unfamiliar trailer popped into my mind and I began to think "what if she won't load , how will I get the partition closed, what if she fusses and spooks Cat what if....?"
And my sweet compliant gentle Andee took one look at the trailer and said "OH hail no!If you are worried I am NOT getting in that death trap!"
So I said to myself (yes I talk to myself ) Well done genius! You screwed that up nicely!You know better that this.
I always say " walk on like you expect the horse to be right there with you, and they usually are "
So I took her back regrouped myself and gave me a severe talking to.
I could have pushed Andee and got her in, but since I had another horse to load I did it differently. I grabbed Cat, waltzed up to the trailer like it was nothing, and asked her to be right there with me KNOWING THAT SHE WOULD BE, the only thought in my head was we are getting in the trailer. The trailer is a big step up and the angle I was on made it a little bigger, and Cat is a shorty, but other than to lift her foot waaay up past her ear as if to say "are you kidding me I am just little " she got right in!
I then secured her inside went and got Andee and having convinced myself she was going to leap right in and be with her friend took her up to the trailer.
What happened? She got in!
They are safe as kittens in that trailer I just needed to get my head around how to do things.
So my point/s?
Probably becoming clear , or at least I hope so.
Ask for what you want!
Ask ,like you expect the answer to be yes.
and Keep it simple.
How many times when riding have we done this?
"Oh well that is a scary bridge/tree/rock/arena whatever " And started thinking about all that can go wrong . Horse have great intuition and they sense that change in us very quickly , so we are in effect telling them all about what we don't want. We need to instead tell them what we do want .
So with horses and in life, whether we want extra pickles or a smooth canter transition, I believe the best way to get what we want is to ask for it .No doubts, no fussing , no over thinking it .
KISS Keep it simple sweetie!
And of course , as always , stay safe!